| So, I really don't think people read this anymore, but I need to vent. Do people really walk around with the thought in their head that they are always right? That they have an answer for everything? Because I sure as hell don't. I don't know everything, and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not a knowitall, and I don't want to be. See, I know this person, and she has this amazing ability to make me feel like I am an inch tall sometimes and like she has complete control over me. Like I'll say something, and she'll put me down or say something to make me look like a complete idiot. Now I realize that I do act like an idiot sometimes, and sometimes I do get a little hyper. But if I say something intelligent or give a piece of information, why does she feel the need to say something to bring me down? Like after this weekend, I just feel like I don't know anything, and like I'm worthless to her. I feel like she lives to put me down, and to make sure that I know that she's ALWAYS RIGHT. And if she's wrong, she doesn't apologize. She argues and argues until someone proves her wrong, and then she still manages to come up with something to make it seem like she was right all along. And it makes me feel like crap, like I'm not good enough for her. Like I'm supposed to be perfect, which I am far from. She used to love me and she used to think that I walked on water. But now, she expects so much of me, and sometimes, because I'm only human, I can't measure up. And I realize now that she does have control over me. Like she'll say something, and I'll jump up and do whatever she says. I'll go wherever she wants me to go. Some people think it's weird that I don't really fight with my mom. But she makes me feel valued and respected. Like I can do things right, and that when I try my best, that's ok, and it's good enough for her. But you see, this other person, when I do try my best and it's not up to her expectations, it's never good enough. It's always "do it right next time" or "don't do it that way!" Honestly, when I'm around her, I feel like I'm worthless. Like I'm just there for her to order around and for her to make me feel horrible about myself. Like sometimes, after spending a day with her, I just want to cry, because I get the feeling I'm not good enough. I know deep down that I did my best and I tried my hardest, but it's still not good enough. And I hate that I think this way, but I can't help it. Sorry about that, I just needed to vent and get that off my chest. I get to spend the whole week w/ this person next week, so I'm sure I'll be writing again :(:( Love, me |
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